2011年5月19日 星期四

Proposal for new FYP idea

Title:
Therapy of being isolated ( temporary)


Keywords Research:
isolation, relationships

My objective:
It is a very personal work.

I always have such a picture in my brain:
Being located inside a crowded environment, people passing around me like I am transparency , I am frozen,
I can do nothing besides watching other people doing their own stuff.

Sitting on an immobile wheelchair , watching the high ceiling whole day ...




What are you thinking of ? 

More we desire to escape from the box,
more we are being trapped, by our difficulties, by our limitations.
Like a bird without wings;
Like a wheelchair without wheels.
It is a loop.







Abstract: 
Believe everyone should have experienced and suffered from a timeless wound, no matter on physically or mentally.
Believe only through the process of recreating the scene which hider me to step out , I will be released.


刺蝟

Floor plan:
Top view:
The shape should be oval.
Space inside should be wide enough.

Side view:

Environment:
Indoor public space 


Setting:
A large screen made into a cylinder shape, distinguished a private area inside a public space.

Inside the screen, a concrete wheelchair which wheels are sticked into floor is placed in the centre / or a bit side of space,
and the floor is placed with sticky and pricking materials.
Audience are encouraged to sit on the chair, but they have to walk through the floor.
More close to the chair, more this kind of materials, more difficult to walk.
the process of reaching the wheelchair might have a little bit plain and uncomfortable feeling.
A tension between go out and stay.

The private space should not be too small in order to create an atmosphere with lonely and silent, also with cozy tangston lighting.

Ref:
Self -reflection on 
a. My dairy ( facebook, 2008-2011 )
b. dairy @ douban over these three months
http://www.douban.com/note/143836278/
http://www.douban.com/note/144736431/
c. video footages of my grandpa ( 11/2010 , 2/2011)
_______________________________________________________
Elements of my installation:
My ideal version:
1. Concrete made wheel chair 

Materials:
a. steel and concrete 
hard, tough,rigid -->  emotionless 
weight: heavy ,volume -->  burden  

Texture of wheelchair :
raw, rough, unrefined 

pictures of concrete chair: 



http://badatsports.com/2010/cloth-windows-and-concrete-screen-doors-two-robert-overby-sculptures-on-view-in-chicago/
http://www.artic.edu/aic/collections/artwork/197691


Technical :
How to make a Concrete Chair
http://www.buildeazy.com/workshop/concrete-chair-2.html

I have also thought of projecting concrete texture on a real wheel chair with projector.

2.Sticky floor 
Materials:
a. sticky feeling香口膠/
b. pricking feeling 碎石/地氈/carpet










3. The screen
Materials:
It is SCM gradshow medialogue 2008 setting, the screen behind machine is exactly what I want.


Technical:
For build up and mount the screen, I think of the skill of traditional paper  lanterns  making.



4. Lighting
LELG150 (150 W) X 3
--> the power of lighting can be adjusted
The tone and shadow ref :寺山修司Shuji Terayam﹣﹣ 雙頭女



5. Sound Source
(optional)
whispering , sound of breathing
__________________________________________________
Concerns:
a. is it possible to find large space to support the work
b. Technical skill on making the work
c. Time 
d. I cannot think of suitable theories can be applied....... 
__________________________________________________
Schedule:
1. Ask Kim for installation venue
2. Ask advice for technical part
3. Keep self - reflection

restart my FYP

Title: (This should be a short phrase describing the subject of the proposal) 
Therapy of being isolated 

Objectives: (Indicate the objectives of the project)
來北京前一心想要為觀塘重建做點什麼,
可我不是要放棄它,因為重建是我一直所關心的事。
只是來到北京後有一種心情非要記下不可。
﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣

這是一件很私人的作品。

一直以來腦海裡也有一個畫面:在繁華的街道中,途人在身邊不停流動,雖然身處在同一個空間,
可我的腦子停頓,像啞巴一樣,眼巴巴看普其他人在活動,世界從不因我而停下,有一道透明的玻璃把我和群眾分隔開,沒有人看見我,理會我;
我大概知道這感覺源自與人溝通上的恐懼:因為我反應慢,思緒常陷入混亂狀態,說話沒有條理,不能用言語清楚表達自己,往往在群眾中更顯得缺乏自信。

鄧小樺說:這是抑鬱症的症狀。

我害怕孤獨害怕被忽略,卻不能完全投入群體生活中;我歸疚於這種懦弱性格,於是積極地想要從「蘇靜怡」的成分中刪除。

透過多參與群體和組織活動的確能改善我的表達能力和擴闊了社交圈子,卻只是暫時性。
在改變和成長的過程中總是時好時壞,被隔離的感覺像一個時刻探望我的老朋友,每隔一般時間會跑來提醒我的軟弱,循環不息。

在北京生活的第二個月,自覺纏擾我的根本性問題已開始顯露,一直所堅持的價值觀和生活態度也受到衝擊;
在一個陌生地方,更能看清楚自己的軟弱,更急於迫逼自己成長;
只是每當看見自己竟遂漸變得像以前一樣,我不甘心二年來的改變到最後仍是原地踏步。

我是多麼不想看到從前的自己。

沒有人知道我竟常常為這些別人眼中的小事迷失,在老朋友探望我的時候特別想要封閉自己。
屆時想要跟人溝通,雙腳卻像被膠X黏住,步伐變得沉重,心裡的刺痛抽然,喉嚨被濃痰卡住般久久不能說話。

每次感覺到老朋友的來臨都叫我十分無奈;
不是我不想改變,只是在客觀環境中,我走不出這困局。

在北京的第三個月,我悄悄回港出席外公的葬禮。
記得在二月離港之前拍了一些外公吊著營養液,在床上動彈不得而呆望著老人院天花板的段,
突然有種感動想知道當一向嘴饞的他嗅到食物的香氣,聽到房外人們川流不息有很多事情發生有什麼感受;
在外公葬禮的靈堂裡,因工業意外而導致肌肉神經遂漸壞死的大舅舅坐在輪椅上格外憂愁,淡然地望著外公遺照的身影,
想起兩年前的他仍是好動壯健的中年男人,到現在每天只能呆在電視機前打發時間…不知道這兩年里他想了些什麼,看到什麼。

    「我們心裡都不願意,只是沒有辦法。」+D

雖然沒有證實,也不想如何要去證實,
只是那一刻,我感覺大家的處境竟是這樣的相似,熟悉。
我猜想,我們都曾有這種被困住的感受:

每人也有過這樣的階段。
對了,就是這種感覺。

決定要把這種動彈不得,被困住的場景製造出來--- 那個腦海里的影像。
我相信,在製作這個裝置的過程中同時也釋放了自己,因為我肯定了自己的想法。



在構思的過程中開始意識到,
不愛說話經常DEADAIR不是我的錯;
腦袋轉得慢不是我的錯;
木納呆滯的目光和表情不是我的錯;
不喜歡HEA不是我的錯;
不喜歡去opening去社交應酬不是我的錯...
過去,「成長」竟變成掩飾和否認真我的存在,
原來我一直沒有原諒過自己。

我本來就是個不完全的人,因為有這些性格,我才是大家認識的蘇靜怡。
所以藝術才在我生命中辦演了表達和溝通的角色。
即使在創意媒體成長我也不一定要懂得各樣技巧,不一定要有很爆的點子,
我只希望我的畢業作品可以把想做的東西做好,對自己的感動負責。

這些想法皆源自我在整頓北京和這二年寫的日記後所體會到的感受。